You don’t have a dancer’s body – I’ve said to myself.
I’ve said this to myself a zillion times, especially after watching a real dancer; those beautiful leg muscles vs my horrific cellulite. I also have my own muscles, but they are hidden under the cellulite.
A long time ago, a very important person in my life, told me in a very inappropriate moment literally this: “So you want to be a dancer? Well, you don’t look like one.”
And it hurts so much. It hurts so much that I still remember that phrase.
But it was not only this person who told me that I didn’t look like a dancer:
– My classmates who called me names like “cow” for more than 7 years.
– Some family members that pointed at my emerging love handles* as if my life should be completely focused on them.
– Dance companies that wouldn´t accept me in due to my body shape.
– Students that thought that it was imposible for me to move that way having that body.
– Ladies with vile curiosity that come to me after a show and told me that the performance was lovely and so on but… how come I had that tummy?
– Fellow colleagues who had had a much better artistic career after losing weight.
– Classmates that could only look at my belly.
– Write here that situation that made you feel not suitable for dancing.
*I really like the way English language describes waist fat as ‘love handles’. The way we speak about the world is the way we see it.
It is crystal clear that I don’t have a dancer’s body. Dancers in Western countries are skinny, tall, with silky-smooth skin and with long hair. Even better if they are young.
I’m young -well, I think, ehem- and have long hair but I’ll never meet the rest of the ‘requirements´.
And all this is not just something that I’m telling myself. I am constantly told that I don’t fit by mass media, audience eyes and inappropriate questions.
We are constantly telling ourselves that we don’t fit as an endless echo coming from all the judgemental sentences we have listened during all our lifes.
The solution to this problem – because I consider this to be a big problem- should not only come from ourselves: accept yourself, love yourself, esteem yourself, blah, blah, blah.
Loving and accepting oneself is a very important point – and difficult to achieve – but we can’t deny the influence of social and external comments on self-esteem, even thought this may sound contradictory. Self-esteem is not only a self issue.
When society as a whole, and every single person that surrounds you don’t support your job because you don’t have a ‘normative’ body, whatever you do to improve your inner-self is not enough. And I’m talking as a fat person who wants to lose some weight, but out there we can find other people with similar problems and different bodies: thin, pregnant, with big hips, small tits, write here your own complex… They all suffer from the same problem – their body doesn’t fit in the normal concept.
So today, I make public my decision to stand up for body diversity. I want all my projects to be inclusive and I want every dancer to feel welcome and safe, independently of their body shape.
I’m fed up with insincere inclusion. I’m fed up with people saying “everybody is suitable to dance” – but I only accept mannequin bodies in my dance company.
I’m going to support all the real dancers, I’m going to walk the talk –I’ve actually been doing this for years already.
Have you got a body? Have you got a soul?
No doubt about it then – you are a dancer.
Have you also felt excluded due to your looks or body shape?
You are not alone. You are not the only one.
I’d love to read your experience in the comments.
Dear Zahida, I relate to this on a very deep level. I come from Rio de Janeiro where the body expectations are really high and having been a very skinny pre-adolescent teen, when my body changed at 15, I was bombarded with comments from family members and friends that if I just lost 10 pounds I would look gorgeous. Many years later and a fluctuating weight and weird dynamic with food, I’m 24 now and I look thin, but I still don’t feel okay. I think even though I look ‘acceptable’ on the outside, I still feel oh-so-irregular on the inside. I went to a dance lesson recently after years of telling myself I was too fat- that was liberating. But there is still so much that I hold myself back from because of ‘looks’. I really would love to know how you’ve got the courage to pursue your dreams and say f**k off to what everyone thinks. I think nobody has overtly said I don’t belong in a long time, but it is an inner feeling, you know? I’m finding it hard to shift and just go for things. I’d love to hear your thoughts and get some inspiration and courage to be myself.
Love,
Brunna
Hi there Brunna!
Thank you very much for visiting my blog and taking the time to leave a comment. Such a big topic this is!
I have to share that I have not heal yet all the wounds that were done to me in the past on respect of my appearance, but now I have a way more experience on coping with the consequences.
Personally, what helped me most is to commit to my goals and values (justice and inclusion in this particular topic, and love and honesty in general), and carry on with whatever I want to do even when the feelings are bigger than myself. Acceptance of the inner reality as it is and commitment to whatever I want the world and my life to be. This is one of those things that are easier to say than to make happen and practise is clue. Feminisim and exposure to different bodies helped a lot, as well as cutting of exposure to mass media.
Dance has always been the form of my resilience, and I won’t let anyone and anything step over it. At the same time, I know that dance is the form of resilience of many others, and if it’s not just yet, it could become. I needed in the past the encouragement and reassurance of teachers, friends and spectators to believe myself, and I am commited to give all that love back to the world in the form of my dance.
I hope this abstract reply of mine helps you to do what ever you want to do. You have the right to enjoy your own body, which at the end of the day, is the only thing that you own.
Hugs and dance flying towards you!
Zahida.
(Dance Dance, otherwise you are lost) 😉
Hi Zahida,
Your words deeply resonated with me.
Thanks for this heartfelt and enlightening blog post.
I wish to share my own experience as you did, in
order to empower dancers around the world.
As you mentioned, there is plenty of “insincere
inclusion” around us in the dance world.
And yes, I live in the U.K. 🇬🇧 , but I originate from the
most fat phobic country in the Mediterranean: 🇮🇹 !
Due to my social upbringing and to the fact that I am
very hard on myself as an artist, I found myself
delaying my bellydance performance in public,
All because of silly clichés, such as: being a bit curvy
and not exactly skinny by birth.
Mind you , I don’t consider myself fat here.
I used to be really skinny , but recently became what
we call here “voluptuous”.
I am not a plus size and I love & respect everyone
who is , obviously. ❣️
Just to specify where I stand size wise.
Having said that , please bear in mind that in Italian
culture , if you are for example, a professional
fashion model or a professional ballet dancer,
everyone in your environment will be counting the
GRAMS not the kilos you might put on.
Same goes for oriental dancers , so that:
if you aren’t remotely skinny , young and flawless
like a Photoshopped picture , you don’t pass the
people’s standards around you.
The outcome is that your self confidence will be
under threat for the whole time, because of how
society is wired around you.
The fake body inclusivity in the dance world will
make you progressively loathe your imperfect self.
I did skip my first opportunity to perform in public in
London ( after a long break) because of these
needless dancer’s body clichés.
You know what I actually learnt from this ?
That moving forward I don’t need to care the
slightest about what people think.
I am happy with myself and content about my
dancing skills. 😊🫶
Does the rest matter that much anymore???
Much love to you & all dancers reading this.
💖💃🎶
Giulia – London
Giulia, all I can say after having read your comment is THANK YOU. Thank you for sharing, for being open and for joining the conversation.
I believe Spain is not far away from Italy when it comes to fatphobia, but I might be wrong.
I’m sending you all the best energy, and I hope I get to know you in person soon, as apparently we live in the same city! 😉
Respect,
Zahida