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How to be a Good Dancer Even When You Don’t Look Like One

You don’t have a dancer’s body – I’ve said to myself.

I’ve said this to myself a zillion times, especially after watching a real dancer; those beautiful leg muscles vs my horrific cellulite. I also have my own muscles, but they are hidden under the cellulite.

A long time ago, a very important person in my life, told me in a very inappropriate moment literally this: “So you want to be a dancer? Well, you don’t look like one.”
And it hurts so much. It hurts so much that I still remember that phrase.
But it was not only this person who told me that I didn’t look like a dancer:

– My classmates who called me names like “cow” for more than 7 years.
– Some family members that pointed at my emerging love handles* as if my life should be completely focused on them.
– Dance companies that wouldn´t accept me in due to my body shape.
– Students that thought that it was imposible for me to move that way having that body.
– Ladies with vile curiosity that come to me after a show and told me that the performance was lovely and so on but… how come I had that tummy?
– Fellow colleagues who had had a much better artistic career after losing weight.
– Classmates that could only look at my belly.
– Write here that situation that made you feel not suitable for dancing.

*I really like the way English language describes waist fat as ‘love handles’. The way we speak about the world is the way we see it.

It is crystal clear that I don’t have a dancer’s body. Dancers in Western countries are skinny, tall, with silky-smooth skin and with long hair. Even better if they are young.
I’m young -well, I think, ehem- and have long hair but I’ll never meet the rest of the ‘requirements´.

And all this is not just something that I’m telling myself. I am constantly told that I don’t fit by mass media, audience eyes and inappropriate questions.

We are constantly telling ourselves that we don’t fit as an endless echo coming from all the judgemental sentences we have listened during all our lifes.

​The solution to this problem – because I consider this to be a big problem- should not only come from ourselves: accept yourself, love yourself, esteem yourself, blah, blah, blah.

Loving and accepting oneself is a very important point – and difficult to achieve – but we can’t deny the influence of social and external comments on self-esteem, even thought this may sound contradictory. Self-esteem is not only a self issue.

When society as a whole, and every single person that surrounds you don’t support your job because you don’t have a ‘normative’ body, whatever you do to improve your inner-self is not enough. And I’m talking as a fat person who wants to lose some weight, but out there we can find other people with similar problems and different bodies: thin, pregnant, with big hips, small tits, write here your own complex… They all suffer from the same problem – their body doesn’t fit in the normal concept.

So today, I make public my decision to stand up for body diversity. I want all my projects to be inclusive and I want every dancer to feel welcome and safe, independently of their body shape.

I’m fed up with insincere inclusion. I’m fed up with people saying “everybody is suitable to dance” – but I only accept mannequin bodies in my dance company.

I’m going to support all the real dancers, I’m going to walk the talk –I’ve actually been doing this for years already.

Have you got a body? Have you got a soul?
No doubt about it then – you are a dancer.
Have you also felt excluded due to your looks or body shape?
You are not alone. You are not the only one.

I’d love to read your experience in the comments.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. brunna says

    30/07/2019 at 3:34 pm

    Dear Zahida, I relate to this on a very deep level. I come from Rio de Janeiro where the body expectations are really high and having been a very skinny pre-adolescent teen, when my body changed at 15, I was bombarded with comments from family members and friends that if I just lost 10 pounds I would look gorgeous. Many years later and a fluctuating weight and weird dynamic with food, I’m 24 now and I look thin, but I still don’t feel okay. I think even though I look ‘acceptable’ on the outside, I still feel oh-so-irregular on the inside. I went to a dance lesson recently after years of telling myself I was too fat- that was liberating. But there is still so much that I hold myself back from because of ‘looks’. I really would love to know how you’ve got the courage to pursue your dreams and say f**k off to what everyone thinks. I think nobody has overtly said I don’t belong in a long time, but it is an inner feeling, you know? I’m finding it hard to shift and just go for things. I’d love to hear your thoughts and get some inspiration and courage to be myself.

    Love,

    Brunna

    Reply
    • Zahida Palma says

      01/08/2019 at 9:00 pm

      Hi there Brunna!

      Thank you very much for visiting my blog and taking the time to leave a comment. Such a big topic this is!

      I have to share that I have not heal yet all the wounds that were done to me in the past on respect of my appearance, but now I have a way more experience on coping with the consequences.

      Personally, what helped me most is to commit to my goals and values (justice and inclusion in this particular topic, and love and honesty in general), and carry on with whatever I want to do even when the feelings are bigger than myself. Acceptance of the inner reality as it is and commitment to whatever I want the world and my life to be. This is one of those things that are easier to say than to make happen and practise is clue. Feminisim and exposure to different bodies helped a lot, as well as cutting of exposure to mass media.

      Dance has always been the form of my resilience, and I won’t let anyone and anything step over it. At the same time, I know that dance is the form of resilience of many others, and if it’s not just yet, it could become. I needed in the past the encouragement and reassurance of teachers, friends and spectators to believe myself, and I am commited to give all that love back to the world in the form of my dance.

      I hope this abstract reply of mine helps you to do what ever you want to do. You have the right to enjoy your own body, which at the end of the day, is the only thing that you own.

      Hugs and dance flying towards you!

      Zahida.
      (Dance Dance, otherwise you are lost) 😉

      Reply

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